21 June 24
A friend of mine works at a mini supermarket in Toronto. She usually says “Thank you, Sir/Madam” depending on what she reads as the customer’s gender.
One day a customer walked in to buy a few things. At first glance she noticed long hair and feminine clothing, so she rehearsed “Thank you, Madam” in her head. She’d only been in Canada for a short time and still liked to prepare her line before speaking.
When the customer came to the till, she heard a low voice, got a bit confused, and decided to switch to “Thank you, Sir!” The customer, who had been smiling, suddenly looked unhappy. They took their items and receipt and left.
She later asked me whether she had said something wrong, or whether “Sir” made them feel old. I found the story interesting, so here we are.
My guess is the customer may have been trans. Roughly 0.5% of the population is transgender — about one person in every 200 encounters. Maybe they were still transitioning, so their voice hadn’t changed the way they wanted yet. Misunderstandings happen.
Western societies place a high value on diversity of identity, gender, and orientation, especially in cities like Toronto, London, and New York. These places host people from many backgrounds, so knowledge, acceptance, and respect tend to be higher than in mono-ethnic towns.
To make communities more livable for everyone, people are shifting toward gender-neutral language and avoiding gender assumptions based on appearance. Instead of “Thank you, Sir/Madam!” you’ll hear “Thank you, have a lovely day!” In English, leaving out a subject isn’t rude the way it can feel in Vietnamese; in some languages it’s the most natural thing. It might feel awkward at first, but once you get used to it, it’s actually faster — no need to scan someone head-to-toe before opening your mouth.
Photo note: Teacher during the week, racer on the weekend brumbrum.